Oh well...

Reached typical relationship pattern with my roommate, hate him when his is here, miss him when he is gone...

NY - Vegas - NY.

Hello dear who ever you are.

I haven't been writing for a while because of my long holiday in US where I didn't want to touch my computer at all. But now i'm back to rainy Moscow and back on writing my blog.

I had a lot of unhealthy and high calorie food in US, so need to double on a diet and working out now... No fun. But other then that I had a great time:

Went on a date with an old friend, spilled drink on a glamorous girl, who I'm sure still hates me as much as one can.
Hook up with bunch of my party people in NY.
Gambled in Vegas and managed to win.
And even spent some time with my ex who came to visit me in NY.

Here it is:

Sex and Honesty.

Today I got to think about all of the sex rules.

One one hand everybody knows that sex is fun, well almost everybody... And on the other, we are not supposed to have to much of it, we are supposed to go on several dates if we don't want to seem cheap and easy. And we are not supposed to be talking about it.

Couple of days ago I was in a bar and a guy came to me asking if I wanted to have a drink, the moment I saw him I knew that I will not be interested in having an intercourse, and so I told him:
 - You can, but I won't have sex with you.
Everyone around me, including a guy were shocked and offended. But why? Any woman or a man, being in a bar, can tell if they are interested in each-other within first 5 minutes, there rest is just foreplay. So isn't it more honest to just be clear about it?

I'll never believe that people come and get drunk in bars hoping to find their true love, we all come to have fun, drink and flirt. And in one out of a hundred times you'll see someone you are actually interested in (I'm not talking about bimbos and money bags). So why lie? Why can't we just do what we want to do and say what we wan't to say?

Why is it so hard for us to be honest? Even with ourselves?

Cosmo And a Bar.

So here I am, really close to be finally me again. The problem is - 27 year old me is still different form 23 year old me.
I'm more focused, I'm much more serious about career and money and less about hobbies and men.

This is not who I wanted to become, I still have an image in my head of a girl that jumps around with a happy smile and in a short skirt, but apparently that girl is now sitting at a bar, having her cocktail and thinking of how fun it would be if she could also read a book.

You know that there are many bars around the world with names like "Whiskey and Books" or "Bar and Books" but I wish that there would actually be a bar where you would come in, feel the atmosphere inspired by designer interior with fireplace and comfy chairs in a half dark room with a small nightstand and a lamp next to you, sit down, order a drink and read a book surrounded by other beautiful people reading books and chatting while listening to a jazz music (basically a library with less light and some drinks).
And then you wouldn't have to sit in a bar, doing nothing, and guys wouldn't have to come up with pickup lines - they would just talk about books that girls would read...

Ahh, that would be my kind of bar... Gosh, I feel old just typing this...

The Break In.

While I was caught up with my love life, some real life trouble happened at the door upstairs, where my lovely neighbor Vika lives.

Yesterday I was deep in my dream when I heard Ilya's (my roommate) voice. Andy get up, oh Andy, problem, big problem, bad thing happen really bad thing happened. At first I though that I was dreaming it, but when he came in to my room and screamed - GET UP, I understood... I'll have to get up.

Turned out, in the middle of the night he decided to go feed Vika's cat (she - Vika, not the cat - went on a holiday for 4 nights), and when he got upstairs, two men were leaving her room. He was about to ask them - "What the hell?", when one of them punched my poor roommate in the face, knocking him out for a couple of seconds.

After regaining consciousness, he came running downstairs, panicking and bleeding from his nose.
We called cops and ambulance. All of the talking and dealing with doctors took us about 3 hours.
Then her door was locked and sealed with yellow tape, and the cat successfully moved in to our apartment for the time being.

The fun we have...

Strangest night.

Hello my friends,

Sorry I haven't wrote for so long, but I had a crazy week. First as you know, my ex came to town, so some drama was involved. We are trying to stay friends and of course it's really hard when you just had 4 year of relationship. You are always caught up in between. And every time you see each other, you are looking at your fails:

Fail to get married.
Fail to keep the relationship.
Fail to make him love you enough to be with you.
But he left again, and I'm back to recovery.

I had a week of vegetable salads. No mayo, no cheese, no sweets, no sweet drinks and workouts every day. IT WAS HARD! The great part is I see results already, I've lost weight and got stronger. Strong enough to dance all night in a bar. Now that's where the fun story comes in:

The plan was to go out and have some drinks in a bar, then have a meeting with late arriving client and come back to a bar. I guess it's time you know what I do for living, else this story won't make any sense.

My boss has a company called "Moscow Suites". It's a small business he started 5 years ago and I joined 3 years later. Besides being my boss he is one of the best friends I have and we've known each other for 7 years now. We own about 20 apartments in the center of Moscow and we rent them as serviced apartments with free pickups, housekeeping etc. So my job is to run everything starting from getting arrival details from a client, ending coming to say farewell to the apartment when he leaves and making sure he got to the airport safe.

So this particular night I was waiting for check in of our clients in the apartment at 1 am, his friends were already in Moscow, they even left their stuff in the room and took keys, but couldn't wait to let him in. By 2 am I got pretty bored... His plane was late, he lost his bag and his friends were calling me every 5 minutes, trying to figure out how to get to a bar.
In the middle of one of those conversation I heard someone opening the door with a key. I asked guys if one of them decided to go back home, the answer was:
- No, no everyone is here.
- Well, there is definitely someone at the door - I said, being pretty confused.
- Oh wait, Dave is missing, that's Dave.

Well Dave wasn't coming home all by himself, he managed to get a girl somewhere on the way, I started panicking, imagine you come in to apartment with a guy and see another girl in full makeup there.
They entered... 1 min of awkward silence.
- I've waiting for Shane! - I basically screamed at girls face, while Dave was showing me with signs to go to another room.
I retreated and asked Shane - who was already on his way to meet me in the other apartment guys have booked.
While this fun stuff was happening, the rest of the group gave up their efforts to find a bar and decided to pick up me and Shane and move out together.
By the time everyone arrived it was 3am. After guys stop being complete idiots while trying to ruin their friend's night and having drinks, we finally moved out to a bar. Luckily my friends were still there and we end up having a lot of fun.

That's my life eh. It's crazy but I like it.

The Date.

Last night I was so devastated with the "ex dinner", I decided to agree to go on a date with the guy who was trying to ask me out for several years. His name was David, and he was a 35 years old successful investment banker from UK.
Dinner turned out to be just great, he took me to posh Sushi restaurant "Nobu". Food was delicious, drinks were fine and he was funny and charming.  After dinner I took him to a bar  for a couple of drinks, one thing about him, he does not handle his drinks well, by the time I started to have fun, he was falling on a floor... In any case I decided that he deserved at least a little make-out session after wich I went home.

Not the love of my life, but we could definitely have some fun together from time to time.

The Ex Date.

So my ex came to town, and instead of running away and hiding in corners, I decided to have dinner with him. He came with flowers, and through the awkwardness of situation, was trying to be as lovely as possible.

Tell you what, dinners with exes are shit and if you can avoid it, please do. What happens is you get drunk and start to have all this mixed feelings like - lets get back together combined with I hate you stupid asshole. Of course he had no idea that I was going through that roller coaster. All he knew was - I'm not angry any more and I will always cherish our friendship (well played Andy).
All of this would be swell, but when I was saying goodbye to him, and it was our first meeting after breakup, I (as a reflex of 4 years) kissed him on the lips. Most awkward moment in my life! We just stood there for a minute, staring at each other, it felt wrong, it felt bad. Then we head our ways.

I said it before and I'll say it again, don't dinner with exes...

Singe girl out...

It's wednesday and I'm going out with a couple of friends. I was always one of the boys kind a girl. Always felt more comfortable being in a bar with guys, talking dirty, having shots.
It took me a while to become that person after my breakup but I did it, I made my way back in to the group. And just when I was about to celebrate, I got a message from my friend saying - "Could you please come a bit later, we're still waiting for Dave & he really wanted some guys time...".
I was devastated, was I a girl now, was it final? I could never have a beer with guys without them thinking of me as one of the enemies? How did it happened?
I decided to answer casually and come in one hour. Last thing I wanted was for them to think that I'm emotional. 20 min later I got a message asking me to come over.
I could play it hard to get, or I could just chill and go for a drink, I went with a second option, after all, there were my drinking buddies and we always had fun together. I guess they just need a bit more time to get used to having me around again.

Fingers crossed for a fun night!

Day 10

I had a sex dream, Last time I had one I was a teenager. Apparently sleeping with young men make your hormones trick your body in to thinking that it's 10 years younger. All I could think all day was sex, sex, sex! The weight of his body on yours, the sweat, the smell, oh how I miss that smell. Your hand in his hair, the lips, the skin, that smooth skin...

I need distraction, or I'm going to go crazy...

Day 8/9

Had to skip yesterdays writing, was to hangover and had too much things to do.

In the evening I went to the house party that was hosted by one of my close friends. He made it a "Taco Night" witch was pretty brilliant. The way he cooks is remarkable. All 15 people that came to the party were amazed by how tasty the food was. He also made "Margaritas" and everyone had at least 5. I actually had to get up several time at night to have some water after this dinner witch is really unusual for me.

Next day I had a meeting with our clients. It was a couple from London who now lives in Dubai. The woman was so glamourous, it was hard to look at her. In 2 hours with them I got 4 margaritas (apparently my drink of the week) and an offer to come to Dubai for a Rugby game. The idea of sitting in VIP lounge and meeting players after the game was to exciting to say no to.

Another day, another hangover.
Not much reading done so far.

Day 7

Another crazy day at work, my job is nice, money are ok and going to be better, but working every day for 24hrs is really tiring, especially when something doesn't go as planned. I had to skip working out today because of one emergency after another, so not feeling too happy about myself. Plus I haven't had time to read a book, and my plan to start drumming again failing. I hate it when this happens.

Unfortunately can't write anything else today, have to keep working and then won't be home till late night because of the corporate party later on.

Keep up

Day 6

So I did it, I called my ex...

Not because I was drunk or lonely, not because I wanted to come back to him, but because I thought that I wasn't angry any more and I could actually talk to him without getting emotional. He was really happy, because he is the friendliest person in the world and wants to be in good relationship with everyone. But after 2 minutes of conversation I realized that I don't have much to say to him any more. So I told him about my day and about my job offers (I have 2 by the way) and when he started to give me advices on how to handle my life, my first impulse was to hang up straight away, I simply didn't care for what he was going to say.

Is it possible? Can exes stay friends? Or it is just another bullshit that Hollywood tries to make us believe?
Of all men I used to date, there is only one guy that I can call friend and we were friends before going out, so I guess that's different.
I really didn't expect to feel what I felt. I thought it would be nice and interesting. Instead it was sad and disappointing. The fog has lifted, I didn't want him back in my life. It made me feel empty.

Looked at my photos 4 years ago, Gosh, I was skinny! Back to working out now!

Till tomorrow

Day 5

My mood is lifted again, my shallow nature came out and my soul searching ended in 1 second.
As you may read before, I was supposed to meet a client at 3am. Well he wasn't a guy from US, but a handsome, young, talented music writer from Sweden. He apparently wrote the song that will be representing Russia in upcoming Eurovision and he is HOT!
He came with his manager, and while she was talking to me, voices in my had were saying - "Hey beautiful writer, can I take you for a drink sometime?"
Unfortunately that's not what you are allowed to say on a meeting like this, especially if you look like a monster (2 hours of sleep does not work well for me).
In any case, I'm now pretty happy with being single again since guys like him exist and future looks fun and exciting.
Note to self - have your hair done and put on makeup even if you are on a meeting in the middle of the night!

Back to exercises, having good body seem useful again.

Good day.

Day 4

Well, drinking didn't go as well as I thought it would. I had a meeting that was supposed to end by 10:30pm instead it ended closer to 1am and all of my friends had left by that time. So I end up going to a bar with my boss where we talked business till 4am...

Next day wasn't as good as one had hoped as well. Phone was ringing all day while I was running around, trying to meet people and solve problems. Also I'm starting to realize that my startup company might not be ready on time, which means I might need to wait for a whole year to make it...

No work out, no reading, no time...
Have to get up at 3 am, since we have a client flying from US and someone has to meet him.

On days like this, it's hard not to think of how my life would be if I'd have support, and wouldn't have to fight all of my battles alone.


See ya

Day 3

Spent most of the day being nostalgic about one guy I hooked up with, for rebound purposes. He was hot, young, tall, blue eyes "Kiwi", who came to Moscow for a couple of days. We connected straight away, and to my surprise he wasn't just hot, but also intelligent young man with nice manners and great skills in bed. If it wouldn't be for my job, I'd stay with him the whole time he was here.
 Now couple of thing were disturbing about this particular hook up.
First of all he was 6 years younger then me, then again my workouts help me to maintain better body then some girls my age.
 But I really started feeling old when it turned out that his dad (lives in Moscow) was a friend of one of my close friends. And if that's not enough, his dads new girl (it's being Russia) was younger then me. Tell you what, it was pretty awkward meeting them at the bar.
 Still, I spent great time with him and now have couple of fun memories to kill the day.

Thanks Dear.

Looking forward to be in a bar today and have most promoted single girls drink - cosmopolitan.
P.S. "Catch 22" only 5 extra pages so far...


Hugs

Day 2

Couldn't say that today was to exciting, apparently not going out makes you a bit depressed. Plus I got sore throat combined with first day of period, so decided to let my assistant do everything that would require going outside and worked straight from my bed.
Now I still managed to do some exercises and tried not to look in the mirror all day to keep the rest of self-esteem.
The biggest challenge of the day was to read "Catch 22". My good friend (who I think is one of the smartest men I know) recommended it to me, saying that - "It was the greatest book he have read in his entire life", wich made me think of course that I would love it. I didn't. In fact, I find it amazingly boring and strange. He said that  English in the book is remarkable. Well, looks like being Russian, I can't appreciate it at all. Nonetheless, I decided to finish it before labeling.
So far 94 pages of struggle.
Tomorrow I'll probably go to a bar on my street to play "Mafia". Life is to short to be sad in the evenings.

Night.

Day 1

So it's Sunday and I am proud to say that I stayed at home last night like a good girl and woke up without hangover, which is something to be proud of if you are a single girl in Moscow city.
Another thing to be proud of is my workout. I did couple of nice exercises and though I only work out for 5-7min, I feel really good about myself after I'm done.
Things not to be proud of:
Ate whole pie yesterday, and started working day by having breakfast at sushi place. So spent money that I wasn't supposed to and ate food that is not so good for me... But it was fun so... I'm gonna let it slide. Oh and for the first time in at least a year I had some red bull. Terribly bad, but so tasty.

Now to the interesting stuff. Today at work I met such a fun lady from NY, her job is to travel around the world and organize sports events like Olympics. So now she is staying in Moscow with her team - preparing for Sochi Olympics 2014. We couldn't stop chatting for 2 hours, which is really unusual for me, since I get bored pretty easily. Not that I don't find people interesting, I just have a bit of ADD (wouldn't say that it's an actual psychological problem, I'm just really spoiled with all of the fun people and fun activities around me).
So this lady is staying in Moscow for a year and then, after forming and training a team of Russian filmmakers, going to Sochi to continue her work there. How fun is that?
We decided that we must go out together at some point!

That's what happened to me so far, I should finish working around 8pm, so hopefully some drumming at the studio awaits for me today.

Chao